![]() ![]() Constantly checking herself while internally reeling from microaggressions, she admits, “Paul has asked me more than once why I have to be mad before I’ll stand up for myself. “I want people to like me, and to like Black people, even if they can’t save me from panic or worse.” Her desire for approval becomes particularly harrowing as she bumps up against institutionalized racism while fighting for the health and educational resources Tophs requires. ![]() ![]() Nothing has ever threatened to consume me quite like this shame.”Īs her narrative dances between the unfolding nightmare of her son’s mysterious sickness and her own lifelong battle with generalized anxiety disorder, Harris wonders if being “a mother whose desire to appear normal, to seem rational, to be liked, weakened her ability to care for her son.”Ī deep need for acceptance is an integral part of Harris’ makeup. “If, however, I had hurt or changed the human God had designed, my guilt would erode any peace. “If God had designed my son and allowed him to emerge from my womb this way, I knew I could find peace and joy in mothering him. There are times when relying on her faith helps alleviate Harris’ sense of culpability, and times when it does not. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |